To be sitting here today, writing this, that I understand my depression, I never thought it possible so soon.
It has come to my attention that I had chosen to forgo living in pain, drama aside, and to be miserably trapped by the downward spiral that has savaged it’s way in and out of my crazy adventure known as life. One does not always understand what scares oneself and therefore we often create our own worst demons in our haste to escape terror.
A game I enjoy, for its theme of an unwittingly enslaved humanity, illustrates how wretched our existence becomes if we forget we always own our agency. In the game a popular soft drink is used by evil forces to render a less alert herd of humans, forever fueling a perpetual system of consumption and regression in exchange for a waning buzz, illusive consequences, and false promises. Becoming an addict to video games, drugs, and other pleasures isn’t just a distraction, it’s an illusion that says the desires inside ourselves rule our actions. We forget our passions for truth and inner peace, begin to float adrift, off course. The wise king slumps to the castle floor of the mind and the court jester of impulsiveness and rueful whims seemingly take the throne. But if we are a wise ruler, we understand that all the fear in the world is within, not external. We listen, thinking safety will be awarded once we shrug off responsibility or ambition. But it never comes to us as the death rattle of our aspirations haunt us in every moment of ignoring the path to a better future.
I am in control. It feels so reassuring to believe that again. To write it and know it. If I’m careful, events past won’t happen again.
More to follow on Might Be Write.